Dearest Paul just when I thought I was healing BAM!!! I miss you and so wish I could just carry on as if everything was still the same but that is just a wish that I know would never be. The empty feeling that I have is so unreal something so not cool that you wouldn't want any to know how I wish I could have you for one more time, hold you, tell you how beautiful you have been in my life. How proud I am of you being my brother and friend .... if only Paul I don't know where the false sense of coping comes from but it is great at the time until it hits you!!! Life is life and I thank you for being my special brother and friend just wished you where still here.... xxx